Hello, darlings! This is Conrad. I'll hopefully be posting more often, around once a week, with a translation or original story. Ta-ta!
¡Hola, queridos! Soy Conrad. Con suerte, voy a publicar más frecuentamente, más o menos que una vez por semana, con una traducción o historia original. ¡Adiós, ta-ta!
Have you ever wished to have the hottest body at the beach? I do, well, used to, all the time.
I found a porcelain teapot in the middle of the beach, and it looked ornate and priceless. When I picked it up, I was eager to examine every little intricate design that gave it an ancient appearance, but I managed to keep my grasp gingerly and careful. I used my fingers to wipe off some of the sand. Once got it all off, I was met with the sight of a mysterious type of very thin calligraphy engraved into the now shining surface. I would’ve liked to read it, but it was in a language I had ever seen -- despite the fact I’d been studying the languages of the world. After a bit more fun in the sun, I gathered up all my things and got ready to leave.. The sun, hidden by a bank of cloud, kept me there for a little while longer so I could snap a picture of the beautiful sunset.
Arriving home, I took the kettle and put it on the kitchen table. I prepared some dinner and ate it on the couch. When I entered the kitchen with my empty plate, the room had a distinct smell. I couldn’t put my finger on it; I could only notice how it entered my pores as well as nostrils to get into my lungs. My best attempts at sourcing the scent led me to notice how it was more pungent nearer to the teapot. I picked up the teapot and sniffed it up close. The smell was so extremely intense it made me gag. The sound of the kettle falling and breaking into thousands of pieces startled me into completely forgetting the terrible smell. Porcelain pieces laid scattered all over the kitchen. They started to shake and move by themselves, coalescing into the shape of a man’s body. It is bathed by a blindingly intense white light.
I couldn’t see the speaker at first, but I could hear he had a very serious and intense voice. What he said left me very surprised. The intense light began lessening, but it still somehow lingered, as if waiting for something.
"Let me fix your eyes." I heard a snap and the light instantly disappeared, but my vision was blurry for some reason. I took off my glasses and saw clearer than I'd ever seen in my life. In front of me is a man, a very muscular one, with a vest of gold that didn’t cover his whole body. He had a big, no, HUGE, set of pectorals, bigger than my head. Goodness, his abs were perfect too -- all my life I’d never seen such a well developed man.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Shut-zar, teapot genie." Could it be true?
"I thought you’d be blue and only exist in the movies."
"You mean the genie from the movie Aladdin? He’s a real tool, and is my cousin by the way, but the real story is not how you humans portray it.”
"Really? You know Aladdin!? " I instantly got so inappropriately excited that being worried or shocked about having a strange man in my kitchen stopped occupying my mind.
"Yes, the two were a couple of damned thieves. Aladdin and his genie stole everything from Princess Jasmine and left her to suffer helpless in the street with her father. "
"So it wasn’t a love story?"
"Of course it was, but not for good. Well, we shouldn’t go on dredging up that horrible story; let’s get back to you. "
"Me? But I want to know more about..." I wanted to implore him to tell me more, but a booming sound cut me off.
"Enough! Stop, or I’ll not grant your wishes "
"Wishes? I have wishes? How many do I have?" What a thrill, I thought, my most fundamental desires will finally have a shot at becoming reality.
"All that you want".
"Hahaha, no, I just like to joke. You have three wishes." Damn it. Well, I got three at least.
"Well then, are you ready for your first wish?"
"Yes. I wish I had the best house in the neighborhood."
Boom. My home transformed. My ancient furniture on the verge of collapse was replaced by brand new pieces, and some were even gold! In front of me a shimmering gray cloud with three tallies appeared. One changed to an X and then the whole thing evaporated.
"Two left, Master," Shut-zar shook me out of my thoughts as I checked out my new home.
"I wish I had a hot body, nearly as big as yours."
I closed my eyes, waiting to feel a change, but soon I realized I wasn’t feeling anything and opened my eyes. I checked my body, my hands patting around, but everything had remained the same: the same clothes, the same belly, moobs like always, all equally disgusting.
"Why am I still the same?" The gray cloud appeared again and another tally was replaced by an X.
"What? No, you haven’t given me the wish!" Shut-zar laughed, but said nothing.
"I want my wish!"
"You'll get it, hold your horses."
"So, why don’t I have to wait for the house’s change?"
"Because it was the first thing you wished for, and I had to convince you the wishes are real."
I wondered if perhaps the genie wanted to make a fool out of me, but I continued anyway.
"My third wish is… I wish he had three wishes." I intended to forevermore wish for more wishes.
"Hahahaha!" His laughter was so intense that it hurt my ears. "You ought to know you can’t do that; people who want to continue but are at the end of their list always try the same thing, even though they know we’re the wisest beings in the world and we can’t be deceived. Poor ignorant people."
I was pretty disappointed, as I had always thought of doing that if someday I met a genie, and it made me feel smarter.
I asked myself, should I wish for lots of knowledge so I can get my dream job, or should I wish for my dream job without knowing much about it? I immediately knew the answer.
"I wish I had the best job where I can generate enough for plenty of luxuries without having to worry."
The gray cloud appeared again and now is just filled with Xs.
"We’re all finished, and my work is done." With another bright light, he disappeared.
"Noooo! My wishes!"
Oh well. I felt I’d been scammed, but at least I had the best home furnishings and gold to help me out of poverty.
Putting away the leftovers, I was slightly intimidated by my new kitchen as it was very luxurious, and I certainly didn’t want to damage or touch anything. I got in my new bed, which was a thousand times larger than the old one. With a bit of TV, a nice addition, I fell asleep.
I woke up to a knock on my bedroom door.
"Mister Marx, can I come in," said an unknown woman’s voice., I didn’t know what was happening or why she called me Mister Marx.
"Yes..." My voice sounded different, rougher and deeper.
The grand door opened. Through it entered a very beautiful woman wearing a white blouse and black pants.
"Good morning," her voice, very sweet, chimed to me.
"Where am I?"
"Ummm ... In your suite," said the lady as if it was blatantly obvious. But then that means I’d truly be in a suite ... Wait, suite, breakfast in bed? Was this my wish?
"Excuse me," I gravelled, quickly sidestepping her and running straight to what had to be the bathroom. It was quite different, it was too large and luxurious, and the mirror was instead on the right. The first sign of change that I managed to see out of the corner of my eye was that my skin was newly darker or, more precisely, more tanned. I turned my face toward the sight, and I loved my new face and new body. I was totally brimming with muscles, I had the best body one ever could’ve wished for.
I rubbed my hand over my pecs, big and spacious, and felt every hair on my chest go through my fingers, and then continued on to my abdomen, on which I could feel every muscle brush against the palm of my hand.
Every bit of my new body was amazing.
That’s the story of the best three wishes ever wished in the world. I am now the owner of one of the most luxurious hotels in the world, and I am amongst the richest and most important people.
I hoped to encounter another genie teapot eventually, as I’ve been told it’s not the only one.